She is the Gen-Next Rani LaximiBai, the braveheart teenager from Rajauri riding on a new wave to face the eternal foes of her Valley, the new-born on the floor of Incredible India, the prime-time face of 24x7 news channels, the bravery awardee in waiting, and of course, she is my latest love on the pyramid.
It rarely happens in real life and thank God, she is alive to tell the nation, her community, the story of courage to take on the millitants with AK47. Should her community take a call and wake up to put an end to the long-time disturbance like it happened in Punjab!! If the community unites, then there is nothing like that, no need of deployment of forces.
I love you Ruksana.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Korba Ka Garba
No funny boy, no silly girl. No hunk, neither any babe. No sign of any jeans or top seeking any appreciation. Nothing hot, nothing cool. Only a sea of 16-somethings with their finest possible look doing their best with the help of a pair of sticks and some rhythmic steps. You look at their steps, they are so amateur. Look into someone's eyes, they are so cold. Look all of them together, they give an impression of commitment. Now, spread your glance on the onlookers, they give some legitimacy to an otherwise cold seduction. On the flip side, you tend to realise the declining sex ratio of this country.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Boys frequently turn to "liquidity" to get its solace, young men & women can't stop attempting all tricks available till they obtain legitimacy to do it with elan, some fortunate among the younger lot often make it a success story for their peers, the elders love it with a desirable hesitation, our parents almost hate it, and now Gary Kirsten offers it with a new perspective. In short, you love it or hate it, you can't ignore it.
Ancient art and history glorifies it. Most of the masterpieces love to show their allegiance to it. Deals are sealed and broken with or without its blessings. Both Right & Left almost come together on this. We all are tuned to redefine our modernity through the lenses offered by this.
Narahari would shy away, but would love to peep through the hostel common room window to have a glimpse of it on screen till somebody switch on the light to keep track of the registered viewers. Knot-so-compatible girls replace it with a high moral ground.
But I love it. I love to experience it. And I do regret for losing so many vital hours of my life thinking various manifestations of this bloody 3-letter-word.
I know you will hate it like I have done it and got screwed up all my life!!
Context : Hats off to Gary Kirsten, the Indian cricket coach, for finally breaking the Great Indian Middleclass Taboo. The naysayer must take a pause & ask him/herself honestly if SEX does the desired (if not wonder) or not!! Nobody will deny the fact that it is much better to lose your virginity at an early stage than spending endless hours in imagining & pillow-talking!!
Tail Piece : I know we all hate this. At the same spirit, we all love it. You can't love something unless you hate it, my dear.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Being ST
We used to call Srinivas sir as "ST" those days and also used to poke fun of him for being too simple. Back in hostel, we used to repeat his gesture, posture and his utterances word by word and used to have tons of fun. I still remember how ST introduced Franz Kafka to the entire class before starting The Trial in the second year.
"Acctualllyyy I diddn't know anything aboutt Kaaafka. I was in deeeeeep thought. I even felt like crying. Then one day my cousin told me about him. Then I prepared a note. Till date, I am following that note to teach all my students. Actuallyll, I also don't know much about Kafka. But today I don't fear him. He is a great writer. So don't get confused because of his confusions. I willll give some notes. But still you may have some doubts. I also have doubts. Actuallllyyyy, it is very difficult to understand him."
Thus the slightest thought about ST, my teacher, makes me laugh from my belley even today.
But I am little disappointed for another ST (Shashi Tharoor) today. Indian politics seems to have not been matured enough to understand the depth of his twits a la "the cattle class". Mean politics is eating out our sense of humour!! We as a nation are unable to understand even the beauty of a language, and the tongue-in-cheek it provides!!
Tail Piece : Politics is not that boring (man!!) if you have nuances to enjoy it. It is not always the Laloos offering very crude sense of humour. But there are so many telling it in a much dignified manner for many of keen elite observers like us. For example, the pronunciation of Pranab Mukherjee. I find another ST (my teacher) in him. Coincidentally, Pranab da was an Economics teacher during the prime of his career.
"Acctualllyyy I diddn't know anything aboutt Kaaafka. I was in deeeeeep thought. I even felt like crying. Then one day my cousin told me about him. Then I prepared a note. Till date, I am following that note to teach all my students. Actuallyll, I also don't know much about Kafka. But today I don't fear him. He is a great writer. So don't get confused because of his confusions. I willll give some notes. But still you may have some doubts. I also have doubts. Actuallllyyyy, it is very difficult to understand him."
Thus the slightest thought about ST, my teacher, makes me laugh from my belley even today.
But I am little disappointed for another ST (Shashi Tharoor) today. Indian politics seems to have not been matured enough to understand the depth of his twits a la "the cattle class". Mean politics is eating out our sense of humour!! We as a nation are unable to understand even the beauty of a language, and the tongue-in-cheek it provides!!
Tail Piece : Politics is not that boring (man!!) if you have nuances to enjoy it. It is not always the Laloos offering very crude sense of humour. But there are so many telling it in a much dignified manner for many of keen elite observers like us. For example, the pronunciation of Pranab Mukherjee. I find another ST (my teacher) in him. Coincidentally, Pranab da was an Economics teacher during the prime of his career.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Dream Girl
I used to dream like everybody else. About a new house, a beautiful lawn, a car, my trophy wife & a cup of tea. I used to paint them all on papers. I used to imagine them till my mom calls me to take bath and get ready for school. Probably, I knew that no dream was too big. I wanted her to be cute & romantic, simple & beautiful. I wanted to live smelling her all day and night. I wanted her to decode my sign language, sit with me for hours without even having a word, heal me of everything through her eyeballs. I wanted to be madly in love with her and die with her everyday, every moment.
But I grew up with a notion that thinking all those was bad. Thinking of girls was a sin. Therefore I never met the eye of a girl in my entire college days. I remember, I offered late night prayers after visiting the most popularly infamous theatre in the vicinity of Ravenshaw for the first time during Post Graduation. Then I was even tuned not to recognise the smell of the fair sex. I remember somebody throwing some sarcastic teaser that the poor boy would only make love to his socially legitimate partner.
As I grew up further I became a pseudo-intellectual cum a cynic. I started derieving interpretations for every roti-kapda-aur-makan to celebrate my literary egotism and romantic malfunction, and in the process I became a loner.
As I grew up further, I found myself to be an asshole, far from realities. I forgot all isms and decided to address the hard realities of life. Soon I forgot my dreams and repositioned to accept them in the form of destiny. Standing at this crossroad, I was trying to remember her but I could not. Instead I found a reflection of myself, no more making diagrams, but checking my bank account online. I understood the lure of the unknown, the importance of social legitimacy, the convergence of passion & peace in one person. And I leaned onto the context, the present, the reality. But you need dreams to live on.
But I grew up with a notion that thinking all those was bad. Thinking of girls was a sin. Therefore I never met the eye of a girl in my entire college days. I remember, I offered late night prayers after visiting the most popularly infamous theatre in the vicinity of Ravenshaw for the first time during Post Graduation. Then I was even tuned not to recognise the smell of the fair sex. I remember somebody throwing some sarcastic teaser that the poor boy would only make love to his socially legitimate partner.
As I grew up further I became a pseudo-intellectual cum a cynic. I started derieving interpretations for every roti-kapda-aur-makan to celebrate my literary egotism and romantic malfunction, and in the process I became a loner.
As I grew up further, I found myself to be an asshole, far from realities. I forgot all isms and decided to address the hard realities of life. Soon I forgot my dreams and repositioned to accept them in the form of destiny. Standing at this crossroad, I was trying to remember her but I could not. Instead I found a reflection of myself, no more making diagrams, but checking my bank account online. I understood the lure of the unknown, the importance of social legitimacy, the convergence of passion & peace in one person. And I leaned onto the context, the present, the reality. But you need dreams to live on.
System Sucks
Here is why I hate the system I inhabit. Because it teases me to fall in line, to do what others have been doing with a non-chalant ease and grandeour, and in the short or long run to be treated as a pseudo public servant of this nation of the Great Mahatma Gandhi.
As per practice, I took an advance of Rs 10,000 towards various expenses for conducting some event. In the end, I spent Rs 7616. This included Rs 30 towards chai & samosa from a roadside bandi for some self-proclaimed stalwarts of the Fourth Estate, albeit in a radius of 5 - 10 km. Justifiably, I could not produce any separate bill for this, but mentioned the expense in the final note for settlement of the advance. Alas, the same was not counted as company expense for lack of any bill and thus had to be recovered from this poor man's account. All my explanations to the Finance officer went in deaf ears and I had to return like a fucking asshole. I was such a asshole that I could not understand how people here submit bills that they do not really spend, spend times in enlightening themselves about various perks, do everything else than what is desired in the very high time of work, and do everything with due respect to the system!!
Just one instance this time, a tip of the iceberg, probably!!
Tail Piece : Govt should also impose austerity measure in PSUs by putting a blanket ban on use of vehicles for 'senior' executives who love to use it for everything while claiming petrol bills at the same time.
As per practice, I took an advance of Rs 10,000 towards various expenses for conducting some event. In the end, I spent Rs 7616. This included Rs 30 towards chai & samosa from a roadside bandi for some self-proclaimed stalwarts of the Fourth Estate, albeit in a radius of 5 - 10 km. Justifiably, I could not produce any separate bill for this, but mentioned the expense in the final note for settlement of the advance. Alas, the same was not counted as company expense for lack of any bill and thus had to be recovered from this poor man's account. All my explanations to the Finance officer went in deaf ears and I had to return like a fucking asshole. I was such a asshole that I could not understand how people here submit bills that they do not really spend, spend times in enlightening themselves about various perks, do everything else than what is desired in the very high time of work, and do everything with due respect to the system!!
Just one instance this time, a tip of the iceberg, probably!!
Tail Piece : Govt should also impose austerity measure in PSUs by putting a blanket ban on use of vehicles for 'senior' executives who love to use it for everything while claiming petrol bills at the same time.
Process of Purgatory
For the first time, I thought to share my "internal turmoil" with some people, to know their perspective, how they see this peculiar symptom of mine. Earlier, in such a scenario, I would rather push myself into a cocoon waiting till eternity for this feeling of not-feeling-well to be erased from my subconscious on its own. However, according to the new-found impulse to release and reflect, disseminate and deconstruct, I had spoken to them all _ friends and fellow beings, teachers and old flames, loner & happily married woman, more people than I desired, seeking solution to unbutton the secrecy of this paranoia once and for all. They had their interpretations to my occasional silence and cynicism. If somebody advised me to turn to music to escape this common disillusion, another somebody tried to "provoke" me with a new woman in my life, and another somebody offered her best to internalise her therapy of connect-spark- deeper talk- good sex-and-solitude. I was confused to find myself an eternal loner, egoist and pessimistic individual with absolutely no vision. I tried to negotiate my best with the help of a pen and a paper this time. Yet I could not understand why I have to face this periodic depression, let alone find any answer to some fundamental questions hitting me really hard. The lure of not following the expected line had transported me many many miles in a day or two, surprisingly not pushing me for any divine help. But I didn't stop talking, to myself and with the other, till I get some solace and feel some love for myself and the way I am.
The Present : The "internal turmoil" is a reflection of routine monotony. The only solace is probably to take a middle path, neither to indulge and nor to resist. Let's not be a rebel on an impulse and not take anything to an extreme. If you doubt everything, you have to doubt your own doubt and subsequently, your very basis of doubting collapses. So, it is better to compromise which is good and honourable instead of taking any polarised position. In fact, we all are tuned to look at the Himalayas at some point in our life, a la The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. So, better to be multipolar (multi-centred), find something which can be nurtured for a long period of time, which is deeply fulfilling and can act as another (re)source for self-sustainance.
The Future : If this turmoil is visiting quite often, it is probably because you are entering into a "structured unknown zone" (marriage) which is why it is subconsciously disturbing you. Man, the 'self' will always have some 'self-intrest' (selfishness). The complimentary collaboration of the twin self-interest is where lies the beauty of the arranged marriage. The human being is conditioned to be dependent in some form or the other and that's why you need the other. So, "I can suffice" is only a rhetoric and not a reality. Traditional structure (read arranged marriage) give enough space to understand eachother and are thus relatively successful, but in the process add to some anxiety. But it is the process of growing-up.
The Past : When you feel like not having gotten enough attention...this is because the need to be needed is very deep, and hence the feeling of resignation/cynicism. But what one can do. You choose your food, but you don't choose your hunger. It comes within your system, as a compulsion. Say, I still revolt in my subconscious against being sent to a boarding school. I can't erase it completely. No eraser is ever complete. There will be always the return of the repressed and you have to face it.
On Woman : In our agrarian soociety, both land and woman are glorified for they offer fertility. But, there is no need to idealise or demonise her. We have to coexist to survive. In the process, you will take some false steps, there will be lapses from the both sides. But slowly and certainly, both of you will learn when either of yours' mood is off!!
On Occasional Illness : This is like the body system flushing itself. The body heals itself, medicine is a facilitator.
It is time I stopped showing my bum!!!
The Present : The "internal turmoil" is a reflection of routine monotony. The only solace is probably to take a middle path, neither to indulge and nor to resist. Let's not be a rebel on an impulse and not take anything to an extreme. If you doubt everything, you have to doubt your own doubt and subsequently, your very basis of doubting collapses. So, it is better to compromise which is good and honourable instead of taking any polarised position. In fact, we all are tuned to look at the Himalayas at some point in our life, a la The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. So, better to be multipolar (multi-centred), find something which can be nurtured for a long period of time, which is deeply fulfilling and can act as another (re)source for self-sustainance.
The Future : If this turmoil is visiting quite often, it is probably because you are entering into a "structured unknown zone" (marriage) which is why it is subconsciously disturbing you. Man, the 'self' will always have some 'self-intrest' (selfishness). The complimentary collaboration of the twin self-interest is where lies the beauty of the arranged marriage. The human being is conditioned to be dependent in some form or the other and that's why you need the other. So, "I can suffice" is only a rhetoric and not a reality. Traditional structure (read arranged marriage) give enough space to understand eachother and are thus relatively successful, but in the process add to some anxiety. But it is the process of growing-up.
The Past : When you feel like not having gotten enough attention...this is because the need to be needed is very deep, and hence the feeling of resignation/cynicism. But what one can do. You choose your food, but you don't choose your hunger. It comes within your system, as a compulsion. Say, I still revolt in my subconscious against being sent to a boarding school. I can't erase it completely. No eraser is ever complete. There will be always the return of the repressed and you have to face it.
On Woman : In our agrarian soociety, both land and woman are glorified for they offer fertility. But, there is no need to idealise or demonise her. We have to coexist to survive. In the process, you will take some false steps, there will be lapses from the both sides. But slowly and certainly, both of you will learn when either of yours' mood is off!!
On Occasional Illness : This is like the body system flushing itself. The body heals itself, medicine is a facilitator.
It is time I stopped showing my bum!!!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Sach Ka Samna
I was at it again. Sea of queries seeking solutions as if for the first time and thereby trying to provide me the kick to do as I desire. Why some born poor and remain so for their life time? Why people get married? Does boredom has anything to do with sex? Would you still look for compatibility while on bed? Why we are tuned to look for security in everything, in relationship, in job, in financial condition?
I don't find anything. When I look at the wall the best I could hear was a murmur.
"If you prick us, do we not bleed; if you tickle us, do we not laugh; if you poison us, do we not die?"
In reality, there was no 'you'. And even if no body pricks you, you bleed.
Paradox!!!
I don't find anything. When I look at the wall the best I could hear was a murmur.
"If you prick us, do we not bleed; if you tickle us, do we not laugh; if you poison us, do we not die?"
In reality, there was no 'you'. And even if no body pricks you, you bleed.
Paradox!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
-
Thoughts are like attending to the second call of nature. If you do not attend at the right time, you fail to get the best out of it. Forget... -
I left office around 7.30 pm today, call it once in a blue moon since I joined this PSU jab. I should be grateful to God for letting me to s...
-
I used to dream like everybody else. About a new house, a beautiful lawn, a car, my trophy wife & a cup of tea. I used to paint them all...